The Root of Gender-Based Violence (GBV); are we to blame for the monsters that we have created?

Masculinity, also referred to as manhood or manliness, is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles associated with boys and men. It is a phenomenon that is socially constructed[1]. Social masculinity is not only perpetuated by fathers unconsciously teaching their sons to be tough in order to be seen as true man in society but it is also fuelled by mothers who think highly of their sons and less of their daughters. How so you may ask? This is evident in the cultural practices where a girl child is considered a disgrace and of less value should she lose her virginity before marriage. On the other hand, the boy child is celebrated and considered a man for being sexually active before age.

The notion of inequality that portrays boys as superior then girls exists in our everyday lives. This is palpable in the fact that girls are still being subjected to domestic chores whilst boys have the liberty to go play. It is these gender roles that play a mitigating factor. Furthermore, a girl is normally given a curfew which imposes the time by which she is expected to return home whereas the boy has the liberty to come back home at any given time of the night without any consequences ensuing  and is not questioned because boys are privileged. The truth is society teaches men that being violent is part of their growth process while it teaches women that staying in an abusive relationship is a sign of strength. This necessitates that we must unlearn so much.

As a society, we have turned a blind eye to the emotional needs of boys and as a result, boys grow up not being able to handle their emotions, turning to alcohol and other substances to relieve stress. It is often under the influence of these substances that they commit violent acts which are gender-based. Furthermore, the issue of absent fathers has also had a huge negative effect as many of these young men are left with no one to guide them or to look up to as a good example. The reality is that as a society we must search and critique even our cultural practices such as child marriage. We must engage in even the most uncomfortable conversations in order to eradicate GBV.

Notably, little emphasis has been placed on women who are also perpetrators of GBV. The cases of emotional blackmail and physical assault by women towards men have been immensely increasing in the South African society. Many men shy away from reporting these incidents as they feel as though they will lose their masculinity.

When speaking of GBV, it is important not to forget the various types of GBV that we are facing as a country. Homophobia has indeed proven to be on the rise amongst our society due to the hatred and lack of understanding and/or recognizing or even accepting that people are different.

The country’s lockdown due to COVID-19 has had a bad effect on the rise of GBV. This is because the risk of women and children who experience GBV has increased. When people are confined indoors with a large number of family members, privacy is limited, and stress may increase. Women who are in danger may find it hard to get away from the danger due to the restriction of movement.

It saddens me that it has come to a point where being a woman in South Africa, in 2020 means your cries will fall on deaf ears as no one bothers to fight for our livelihood, not even our officials. These are cries of Uyinene, Karabo and many nameless women who have died in the hands of men. Yearly, we hold marches to utter our cries, but the real question is: how effective are these marches?

Moreover, the legal definition of rape has been amended to include objects other than the penis. This is because people are raped with other instruments all the time. The problem is not hormones, or an erection, patriarchy and rape culture are the problem.

In conclusion, it is evident that sexual violence poses an obstacle to peace and security. As society we must become the change we want to see. This vicious cycle must stop and the only way to do that is to implement zero-tolerance policies. In order for us as a society to eradicate this horrendous abuse, we cannot go on to accept such acts as a norm. We need to stand together and make tough laws and educate the new generation to encapsulate a mindset of equality when it comes to gender.

[1] Shehan, Constance L. (2018). Gale Researcher Guide for: The Continuing Significance of Gender. Gale, Cengage Learning. pp. 1–5. ISBN 9781535861175.