Today, I’m sat here like many other women in South Africa, I’m tired, I’m sad, I’m heavy, I’m hopeless. Woman’s month has just passed us. Actually no it didn’t just simply pass us- it came and it traumatized us. Continually reminded us painfully of how unsafe we are, how unloved, under appreciated and unvalued we are in our country. Our cries continue to fall on deaf ears of a government and leaders who prefer to fight with each other and make our Parliament look more like a kindergarten than a place of social change. Parliament is broken, it’s not a place we can trust to care for us any longer.
As women in South Africa, our education growing up may as well be labeled as “rape and murder avoidance”. From a young age we’re told by our mothers how not to dress, not to walk alone at night, not to get too drunk, always tell someone where you’re going and so on and so forth. But what we’ve been abruptly reminded about this week is that it’s not just the dark of the night we have to fear as a female in South Africa anymore. No – it’s the shining sun as well. Funny it’s the girls who go through this education – where’s the opposite? Where are the fathers teaching their sons not to rape? Where are the fathers teaching their sons that a woman’s body belongs to the woman’s and not them? Why is that we are in 2019 and still have to have this conversation!?
If you’re a male reading this and feel attacked by what me and others have said and you feel like women in South Africa are blaming all men when it’s not all men committing these heinous crimes on our women- “just the sick and twisted ones”. Well then, let me put it for you simply. 6 women on average are killed by men EVERYDAY in South Africa. That means on average 6 « sick » men a day violate a woman’s body, that’s 180 « sick » men a month who violate a woman’s body. Next up are you going to tell me it’s something in the water? Something in the water it certainly is not. A culture where men find it acceptable to force themselves on women, emotionally abuse and manipulate women, kill women it certainly is. I’m not labeling all men as rapists or as murders, but those of you who stand by and keep quiet when your friend is harassing that girl at a bar, insulting her when she says no and continues to act that way- you’re a bigger part of the problem than you even realize. No that’s not innocent fun bro, that is entitlement – something which too many men in South Africa feel they are. Entitled. Entitled to women. Entitled to OUR bodies, how is this even normal?
We’re not safe. Not safe at home, not safe at school, not safe at bars, not safe in shopping centers and certainly not safe at even a post office. So where? Where are we safe? Where do we go to heal? How do we heal? Are we allowed to heal? The majority of men in this country clearly do not care. What I want to see is men standing up with us. I want to see men crying with us. I want to see men fighting and struggling with us. I want to see men marching with us, demanding for change WITH us. Simply put- Men we need you to SUPPORT us. Your silence is an enabler, so forget the phrase about silence being more powerful than words. This isn’t a high school argument- these are women’s lives. 1 woman every 4 hours, don’t forget that.
So What do we do? Where do we go from here? I’ll tell you. We mobilise. We don’t let this argument leave the public space and fade away after a week. We continue to shout, we continue to create awareness, we march, we strike, we shutdown the country until we see change. We take our collective hurt, our collective hopelessness and fatigue as women constantly under attack and put it into forcing change. And we will remind ourselves everyday why we do this, why we keep this conversation alive and constantly make noise. But to do this we need you. By you I mean men. Support us, help us. This isn’t white vs black or rich vs poor. Gender based violence is Men vs Women. Read that. Now read it again. Let it sink in. Now correct your behavior if you feel it needs correcting and help us. We’re not going to say please – it’s past that point. We’re just asking that men assume responsibility. Time to man up, step up and use your voice to protect us, to help us. Real men don’t rape and kill or harass women. Real men protect and care for them, real men lift women up.